Joshua-Michéle Ross

As we shelter in place, The 99 Cent Dream is shuttered. Products of the End Times satirizes the wasteful dead-end of untrammeled consumerism; aisle after aisle packed with petrochemical toys, disposable tchotchkes, carcinogenic lab foods, and culturally appropriated clap trap. But the real end-times come when shelves are empty and vital products out of reach. Modernity is marked not by what we know… but what we are able to forget without consequence. I cannot farm, start a fire, build my own shelter, or survive alone in the wild. I am able to forget the knowledge that was once vital to my ancestors because someone else is holding that memory for me. Social psychologists call these, “transitive memory networks.” We share and connect these memories into a vast web of making. Sometimes for ends that seem wasteful and degrading (the subject matter of Products of the End Times) but more often for ends that are vital and encouraging. Think of agriculture, medicine, housing, water and sanitation systems... The list goes on and on. Every object - no matter how ridiculous, frivolous, tacky, unnecessary, or wasteful is still a remarkable testament to this human cooperation; our collective memory bank at work. We will arrive on the far shore of this event with the circulatory system that is our economy in cardiac arrest. Factories shuttered, international and domestic travel at a standstill, retail and restaurants closed. A vast spectrum of misfortunes will have rained upon us; from lost opportunities to lost jobs to lost loved ones. What will we have learned? How will we remember? To what ends do we wish to apply our colossal cooperative talents? What great new things do we want the liberty to forget? We will need new art, new social forms, and new spiritual tools. We might demand a new economy that works for more of us. And just as the human genius for cooperative making implies - we have the capacity to make the world-that-comes-next from our imagination. I am wishing each of you the courage and deep optimism to envision that further shore. We can only get there together. #productsoftheendtimes

Ching’s Secret Manchow. A Bollywood Fabio in Native American head dress. He confidently strides ahead of a semi-truck that is either on fire - or has just ridden through fire. Several dudes hanging onto the truck gesture wildly. What has any of this to do with instant noodles? I am enthralled. #artdirection #pavlovianresponse #chingssecret #manchow #productsoftheendtimes

The promiscuity of symbols means that no type of semiotic-sex act is illicit. The weirder the better in fact. To wit, this KFC-on-Clog action. “Celebrating its signature fried item, Kentucky Fried Chicken looked to create a footwear option that authentically represents its food experience.” Wait. What does that even mean!? Nevertheless, some of you reading this actually want these shoes. You know you do... And as long as we are keeping it real, there are 9 billion chickens slaughtered in the U.S. Every. Single. Year. Most of them live their entire lifespan within a small cage. #productsoftheendtimes #kfc #clogs #eatlessmeat or better yet #govegan

The Coffee-Mate Death Star Among the exemplars of the ersatz nothing stands taller than Coffee-mate. It has never pretended to be anything other than itself: a low cost, shelf-stable product of chemistry marketed to accountants. . Now the next chapter of this strange experiment in convenient self-poisoning - The Coffee-mate Bulk Liquid Creamer 3-Head Dispenser… . "Convenient 1.5 gallon bag-in-box bulk liquid creamers are equal to approximately 512 liquid creamer singles, with the industry’s longest shelf life at nine months in ambient storage before opening. The Coffee-mate bulk liquid creamer station bag-in-box flavors include Original, French Vanilla, and Hazelnut… This quick dispensing system virtually eliminates creamer theft and minimizes restocking.” . . . #productsoftheendtimes #coffeemate

4 billion years of evolution… then while ambling along the desert floor with your perfectly adapted pedipalps and your metasoma (that’s the stinger) feeling quite relaxed….BOOM! You are snatched up and fossilized in an amber lollipop. A gag souvenir in a Death Valley gas stop. #productsoftheendtimes #hotlix #scorpionsuckers

Indignities are everywhere. These should more properly be labeled “condiment flavor” since they taste vaguely of ketchup, stale relish and old socks. Nary a hint of burger. #productsofendtimes #potatochips #crisps not #foodporn but rather #appetitesuppressant

Like all good technology, SPAM, has been fruitful and multiplied. . Hormel claims that the meaning of the name "is known by only a small circle of former Hormel Foods executives", but popular beliefs are that the name is an abbreviation of "spiced ham”. U.S soldiers in WW II referred to it as "ham that didn't pass its physical", "meatloaf without basic training”, and "Special Army Meat”. . Best accompanied with a Starbuck’s Pumpkin Spice latte and a defibrillator.

Dreamcatcher pocket square from Louis Vuitton "Traditional Amerindian dream catchers provide the inspiration for the pop-style graphic, which is screen-printed onto 100% silk.” One can think of no further, tragic distance a symbol might travel than from the Ojibwa and Lakota tribes to a Louis Vuitton pocket square. I once read that the beats and hippies salted their acts with vulgarity in order to deter commercial appropriation. You couldn’t use Lenny Bruce to advertise Volkswagen. No fuckin’ way. And yet it seems that ever desirable thing produced by artists at the margins of culture, or culture at the margins of society will be coopted eventually. No matter how soul-deadening or insensitive. A part of this makes me wonder if we people are actually in control of all of these symbols and codes that run errant across our visual-linguistic landscape or whether perhaps we are simply vehicles for their promiscuous urges. We are how symbols conjugate. #productsoftheendtimes #louisvuitton #fashion #appropriation #culturalappropriation cc @lexawalshinc

Behold the Cheeto! Oranger than a tanning-bed dictator, craggier than a Dolomite. The motherfucking Cheeto whose "Sunset Yellow FCF” dye is made from petroleum. Stop! Reread. The dye is made from petroleum. This cannot end well my orange-tongued reader. “Industry-sponsored animal tests indicated that this dye… causes tumors of the adrenal gland and kidney.” Now the Cheeto is forming a classic pincer movement on the movie theatre. Cheeto Popcorn! Because nothing says good times quite like nursing a tumor at the movies. Cheetos were invented in 1948 by Fritos creator Charles Elmer Doolin and sold into the Lay company (thus Frito Lay). Frito-Lay merged with the Pepsi-Cola Company to form PepsiCo in 1965. Small carcinogenic fish getting eaten by bigger fish. In 2010, worldwide annual sales of Cheetos totaled approximately $4 billion. That is a whole lot of Sunset Yellow FCF pumping through our collective kidneys and making its way from toilet bowl to water table. #productsoftheendtimes #cheetos #cheetoresponsibly #stopanimaltesting #yourcrapisorange! #ifcheetoswereahealthfoodIwouldeatthemalldaylong #pepsico

On retreat in a very remote village in France and this is what adorns the urinal of the one bar in town. It is a strange metaphor as it actually feels like Trump is pissing on the world rather than the reverse… His toxic brew of partially digested Big Macs, racism, diet cola and megalomania have reached deep into the capillaries of a worried, unstable world. Wash your hands before returning to work. #productsoftheendtimes #oligarchy #gildedage #guncontrol #gunreform #dosomething cc @jerrysaltz - I thought you would appreciate this.

It is good to remind ourselves that every generation has had reason to believe the end is nigh... These cats had Vietnam, The Weathermen, Watergate, The Cold War, and bell bottoms but they turned out ok. #productsoftheendtimes #1970sfashion #tbt

Bulletproof children’s backpack. Along with “thoughts and prayers” this is the best an oligarchy will do to protect its most vulnerable. As the bump-stocked assault rifles ring out on the playground you can rest easy that your little one’s got the body armor they need. A back to school bestseller. #productsoftheendtimes #oligarchy #gildedage #guncontrol #gunreform #dosomething

The Rolls Royce SUV. An affront to every demographic save Bond villains. MSRP $325k. 12 miles per gallon. . . #productsoftheendtimes #climatechange #fossilfuel #lifestylesoftherichandinfamous #sustainability #rollsroyce #rollsroycecullinan

I must admit, the name induces in me a mild nausea. I recently learned that cockroaches produce milk for their young. That's the image that comes to mind when considering Genuine Muscle Milk - a litter of wee roaches suckling muscle milk in the dark recesses behind my sink. The color, consistency… all seem fit to issue from a mama roach’s udder. And what does the word “genuine" seek to convey here? I notice it everywhere on ersatz products that feature nary a speck of real food in them. It must be the insecurity that comes from test-tube provenance. After all here are the “genuine" ingredients: Calcium Caseinate, Milk Protein Isolate, Sodium Caseinate, Alkalized Cocoa Powder, DiPotassium Phosphate, Magnesium Phosphate, Maltodextrin, Cellulose Gum and Gel, Sodium Hexametaphosphate, Potassium Chloride, Carrageenan, Potassium Citrate, Salt, Medium Chain Triglycerides, Sucralose, Acesulfame Potassium, Sodium Phosphate, Ascorbic Acid (Vitamin C), Vitamin A Palmitate, Vitamin D3? #productsoftheendtimes #musclemilk #cockroachessuckletheiryoung! #listofingredients #exercise #health #healthyliving

A lifetime Pasta Pass from the Olive Garden clocks in at about $500. The glamor shot foregrounds what looks like a fettuccine alfredo alongside a heavily meatballed spaghetti marinara. A tall glass of high fructose, enamel-eroding cola sits at the ready to help the gluten go down. Thuggish breadsticks stand sentinel to ensure the gauzy background salad doesn’t get too close. I would love to see the actuarial tables that rendered this a safe, financial bet for the Olive Garden. How much pasta does one need to eat to shift the value exchange in a consumer’s sad and decidedly constipated favor? #productsoftheendtimes #food #consumerism #olivegarden #pasta #neverendingpastapass #youwontpoopforthreedaysoryourmoneyback #gluten

Christian Dior Glass Straws. From a review that states without any hint of self-awareness "Let the French maison hold you accountable to your sustainability goals…. Each fine detail is carefully hand-painted on the glass to craft the ultimate sustainable accessory to an extravagant lifestyle. It’s delicately gorgeous, and users will have way too much fun telling bartenders and baristas that they don't need their plastic because they have a reusable Dior straw.” ht @mmmaaddd #productsoftheendtimes #dior #christiandior #fashion #climatechange #unecessaryinventions #greenwashing #sustainableaccessorytoanextravagantlifestyle #oxymoron #wtf

Inflatable exercise “Air Jeans.” Slip these non-porous plastic babies on… slap in your Bob Seger 8-track cassette tape, and prepare for heat stroke. There is something “uncanny valley" about 1970s inventions. They occupy a liminal space between distant past and an all-too vivid present. The colors, fashion, and contraptions seem otherworldly. Are they real? Sadly, yes, they are… though many of the humans depicted have since changed their hairstyles. #productsoftheendtimes #tbt #healthyliving #1970s #nightmoves #nightmares #washfrequently #health #exercise #exercisemotivation

Legend has it that Europeans encountered coffee in 1683 as the harried Ottomans, retreating from the failed siege of Vienna, left sacks of it behind in their encampments. The famed coffeehouses of Vienna were born and cafe culture has inexorably spread across the world. So it is a grim paradox that an Austrian celebrity chef, Wolfgang Puck, would condescend to wreak “Jamaican Me Crazy” upon a weary world. Box includes: one horrific pun, 18 capsules of artificial coconut flavored “coffee" that you pop into the planetary-sized landfill maker known as Keurig, and a hypocritical exhortation to “savor the moment," which seems cynically ironic given that the whole point of these capsule pods seems to be about maximal convenience at the expense of any craftsmanship or individual willingness to give time to the making of one’s own food and drink. #productsoftheendtimes #runonsentence #landfill #plasticpollution #climatechange #keurig #coffee #badcoffee #unecessaryinventions #history #badpuns #savorthemoment #history

Some kids don’t get toothbrushes and soap. Others are being prepared for a life of “Pampered Play.” Some kids get put in cages. Others get a personal nail dryer. #priorities #productsoftheendtimes #goodparenting #personalnaildryerincluded #instantlandfill #landfill #plasticpollution #climatechange

Fairy Floss. Rising skyward these fragile threads of sugar encased in plastic tubs will persevere long after humanity’s light has gone out. Will post-apocalyptic roaches with opposable thumbs wonder under permanent grey skies at these thrilling flavors, their setaceous antennae quivering over just-opened buckets of “birthday cake” “banana split” and (what in the world?) “Unicorn.” What godlike, frivolous creatures made such wonders? Where did they go? The first electrical cotton candy machine was invented in 1897. William Morrison and John C. Wharton, presented cotton candy to a wide audience at the 1904 St. Louis World's Fair as Fairy Floss. The National Cotton Candy Day is December 7. A day that will live in wondrous infamy.